The Adventures of The Hurricane
by Elektra1
Summary: A comic book parody starring The Hurricane. Issue 2 uploaded Sept 2402 more to come... eventually...
1. Issue 1: Orgins

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THE ADVENTURES OF

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THE HURRICANE 

Issue #1 

O R G I N S 

By: **Elektra**

**__**

From the ashes of a small planet emerges a hero for the Cruiserweight Generation! He is THE HURRICANE! 

Narrator: Our story begins on the planet Omega, where a young man by the name of Sh-Ane-Helms is trapped in the jobber-zone for becoming too popular amongst his fellow citizens. A powerful politician by the name of Hel-M-Sley has forced this cruel and unfair punishment upon Sh-Ane 

As Sh-Ane-Helms laments his lot in life, Earthquakes ravage the planet Omega. This is nothing new, for Omega had been slowly falling apart for a long time now 

While the current inhabitants of Omega desperately make their way off-planet, those in the jobber-zone are forgotten. 

As fear and paranoia increase, a struggle ensues between the Jobbers. They are desperate to escape. They do not care how. 

The earthquakes grow increasingly violent and several jobbers are lost. Others are lucky, as they are able to find a way out of the Jobber-zone. 

Looking for his own way off world, Sh-Ane happens upon a deserted shuttle, its escape pod seemingly intact. He quickly climbs onboard. 

Unsure how to control the machine, he desperately punches buttons and pulls levers. Finally, the pod lifts off mere seconds before the planet explodes into dust. 

The momentum from the explosion causes Sh-Ane's pod to get caught up in what is called a lance-storm -- a void of serious anticharisma -- and thrown violently off-course. 

After spinning uncontrollably through space - his screams going unheard - the pod is finally caught up in the gravitational pull of a beautiful blue planet. 

This planet is known as Terra to several off-worlders, but its inhabitants affectionately refer to it as _Earth_. 

And so, dear reader, our story begins. 

***

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AN OPEN FIELD IN THE SUBURBS OF NEW McMAHONOPOLIS 

Narrator: Sh-Ane-Helms slowly crawls to his feet, unsteady as a fierce pain pounds at his head. He is wearing a tattered jobber-zone uniform made of green body-hugging material. 

He turns around and sees what is left of his pod. He slowly steps towards it, hoping to find something that will tell him where he is. He reaches into the pod and pulls a green mask out of the equipment box. It is an Omegan mask that provides the wearer a computerized readout of all objects the wearer focuses on. 

(_Sh-Ane pulls on the mask and stares up at the bright yellow star that illuminates his new home_) 

Sh-Ane feels a warmth coming from this star. It's a warmth that fills him with an unexplainable power. A power he has never felt before. 

(_The mask analyzes the yellow ball of fire Sh-Ane is currently fixated on_) 

(_Seen in the mask:_)   
**Size: 1.4 million km   
Temperature: 5800K   
Commonly known as: The Sun **

(_Sh-Ane turns back to the escape pod to see what other useful tools he can find. The pod suddenly bursts into flames_) 

(_Sh-Ane lets out a shout and jumps away, putting his hands up in an attempt to protect himself from the explosion)_

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Narrator: Sh-Ane doesn't know how or why, but the slightest bit of concentration pulls forth a gust of wind and a wall of rain focused directly at the flaming shuttle. The flames are quickly vanquished, and the wind and rain disappear. Everything else remains dry and untouched 

The pod is destroyed, but the odd storm has stirred something up -- a long piece of shimmering material that had been tucked behind the pilot seat. Sh-Ane slowly picks the material up. It is undamaged, and Sh-Ane remembers that it had been a recent addition to the Omegan escape pod survival kits. The material is strong and durable, able to protect the wearer from harsh weather and other elements. In some cases, it has even proved to be a useful piece of armor. 

(_Sh-Ane quickly wraps the material around his shoulders, unsure what forms of violence await him on this alien planet_) 

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Molly Holly (_from far away_): Hello? (_Sh-Ane sees a female a blond-haired alien currently running towards him_) Are you ok? (_Sh-Ane studies the girl before him. Oddly enough, she looks very much like an Omega female_) I saw an explosion. I thought there was an accident or something--- (_she stops when she notices the smoking escape pod_) Um, ok... that doesn't look like it belongs here. (_She takes in his appearance and offers a small smile_) Is there a costume party somewhere? 

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Narrator: The Omegan mask takes a moment to analyze the female's voice patterns and speech. It is quite similar to Sh-Ane's own language, and he is able to pick it up easily. 

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Sh-Ane: Costume party? I don't know about any costume party. I simply found this mask and cape in my Omegan escape pod. 

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Molly: Omegan escape pod? 

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Sh-Ane: Yes. My planet ... Omega ... exploded. I escaped and came here to--- (_he stops, unsure what to call this planet_) 

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Molly: Earth (_she bites her lip nervously_) Are you sure you're ok. Maybe you hit your head. 

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Sh-Ane: No. I'm fine. This is Earth, you say? Wassupwitdat? How did I get to Earth? 

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Molly: Gosh, I don't know (_she slowly backs away from the oddly dressed, oddly behaved green-haired man_) 

Sh-Ane (_confused at her reaction_): You seem frightened. Tell me, is this an Omega colony planet? You look so much like us that I--- 

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Spike Dudley: Molly? (_A small male comes up beside the blonde_) What's going on here? The explosion--- 

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Molly: I don't know, Spike. This guy is all I found, but, um, I think he hurt his head or something. 

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Sh-Ane: No. I told you I'm fine, Citizen.... Molly, did he call you? My name is Sh-Ane-Helms from the Planet Omega. 

(_Spike puts an arm around Molly's waist as the two slowly inch away_) 

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Spike: Ok, nice to meet you, Sh-Ane-Helms from planet Omega. We were having a picnic when we saw your---uh---um, alien space ship. We thought you were hurt. But you seem fine, so we'll just go now. Besides, Molly needs to make a call. Right Molly? 

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Molly: Yes. A _special _call. Goodbye... 

(_The two quickly rush off_) 

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Sh-Ane: Thank you, Earth Citizens (_Sh-Ane waves happily, but the couple is long gone. Sh-Ane sits beside the wreckage, contemplating his next move_) Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned Omega. It seemed to create an uneasiness in these Earthlings. (_Off to the left, he hears a sound. Even from this distance, the readouts in his mask inform him of the road_). It's strange how similar things are on Earth and Omega. 

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Narrator: Sh-Ane felt a pang in his chest at the thought of Omega. His beloved planet was gone. He suddenly found himself feeling very lost ... 

(_The high-piercing sounds of sirens interrupt Sh-Ane's thoughts. They are coming closer_) B

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Sh-Ane: They wouldn't be coming for me, would they? I haven't done anything wrong. 

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Narrator: Sh-Ane jumps to his feet and begins to run. He feels himself move faster and faster. Faster then he has ever run before. It even feels as if the ground itself is disappearing under his feet. Whatever powers Earth's ball of fire is giving him, he is enjoying them. Sh-Ane soon finds himself airborne, increasing the distance between himself and the sirens. 

****

Sh-Ane: Perhaps landing on this planet won't be so bad after all! 

***

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SIX MONTHS LATER - _THE DAILY SMACKDOWN - _NEWSROOM 

Chief Eric Bishoff: Excellent story on the flying alien, Gregory! 

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Narrator: Editor-in-Chief of 'The Daily SMACKDOWN', Eric Bishoff, has employed a young mild-mannered reporter by the name of Gregory Helms. A boy who bears a striking resemblance to our hero. 

(_Bishoff clasps Gregory on the back, almost knocking the boy out of his chair_) 

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Gregory: Thank you, sir... but, um... I never reported he was an alien. If we start referring to him like that, people may get scared! 

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Bishoff: Come on now, Gregory. How many humans do YOU know that can fly? Of COURSE he's an alien! People SHOULD be scared. 

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Gregory: But he means no harm, sir. 

(_Bishoff ignores Helms and rubs his chin, deep in thought_) 

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Bishoff: He needs a name. A name to strike fear into the hearts of men! 

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Gregory: He doesn't want to strike fear into anyone's heart, Mr. Bishoff 

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Bishoff: And how do you know this? Did you interview him? No. We have this alien vigilante running around in tights and a cape, attacking criminals. Are you saying we should treat him with kid gloves? What if he attacks innocents next! 

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Gregory: But... but he WON'T, sir! I know he won't--- 

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Bishoff: You seem rather confident, Greg. Care to explain to me WHY? 

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Gregory: He... just doesn't seem the type. I mean, you're right. He attacks criminals... but he wants to HELP people! He wants to--- 

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Bishoff: You get me a legit interview with this alien and _I'll _decide if he's dangerous or not! Or better yet, team up with that new chick reporter and get it! 

(_A curly-haired, scantily clad woman saunters up to Gregory. This is Nidia) _

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Nidia: Oh, I'd be HONOURED, Mr. Bishoff sir! I'm sure I can find a way to PUMP information out of him! 

(_Bishoff nods and heads back into his office_). 

(_Nidia slides onto Gregory's desk and crosses her legs, showing off JUST how high-cut her shorts are_) 

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Nidia: So... what should I ask him? Maybe how he came here? Or maybe about his love life? Oooooh, better yet -- if he broke any young woman's heart back on his home planet and if he plans on doing the same here! (_she seems lost in thought_) I wonder if aliens are any ... DIFFERENT... then humans. I should find that out too (_a sly smile appears on her bright red lips_) 

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Gregory (_angrily getting to his feet_): If you're just going to bombard him with gossip and sexual innuendoes... 

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Nidia: Bombard him? You make it sound so NEGATIVE! I have nothing but his best interests at heart, Gregory! 

(_Gregory doesn't believe her_) 

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Gregory: But-- 

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Nidia: Yes, you DO have a nice butt (_Nidia jumps of his desk and blows him a kiss_) I WILL get that interview... with or without your help, Greg! (_Nidia heads off_) 

(_Gregory sinks back into his chair and buries his face in his hands_) 

(_A young photographer comes up to Gregory. This is Gregory's best friend, Shannon Moore_) 

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Shannon Moore: You ok, man? 

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Gregory: Hey, Shannon. Yeah, I'm fine. I just think Nidia will scare away my interviewee BEFORE the interview! 

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Shannon: She DOES seem kind of scary. Hey! Maybe you can sneak an interview with the alien WITHOUT her! And I can take pictures? Whaddya think? 

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Gregory: Come to think of it, that's not a bad idea! I'll get Hurricane's interview in tomorrow's edition, BEFORE Nidia can track him down. 

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Shannon: Hurricane? When did he get a name? 

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Gregory: Uh... I just gave it to him now. 

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Shannon: Cool. I like it! 

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Gregory: So do I, Shan. So do I! 

***

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TWO DAYS LATER - _DAILY SMACKDOWN _NEWSROOM 

Shannon (_snapping a picture of The Hurricane_): Man I can't belive Greg set this shoot up for me. It's just too bad I can't make today's edition and match it up with his article. Ah well, pics like this will sell just as well tomorrow! 

(_The Hurricane signs an autograph for a SMACKDOWN reporter_) 

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Narrator: The Hurricane finds his sudden celebrity rather amusing and it seems he has gained several fans in a relatively short time. 

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Shannon (_to Hurricane_): So... uh... how did Greg get a hold of you? 

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Nidia (_slinking up to Hurricane_): Yes, Hurricane.... DO tell us how Greg got a hold of you! (_Nidia is followed by a man clad in flannel shirt and ripped jeans_) Oh, let me introduce you to my boyfriend, Jamie Noble. Now, suppose you tell me how Greg got the scoop and I didn't when our boss wanted BOTH of us on this interview? 

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Hurricane: Uh... he has my cell phone? 

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Nidia: Where is that weasel? Jamie wants a word with him for sneaking around behind my back! 

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Shannon: I think he called in sick. Said he couldn't come in today. 

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Nidia: Probably knew I'd get Jamie to kick his ass for stealing MY story! 

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Hurricane: YOUR story? I believe it was BOTH our----your stories (_no one notices the slip up_) Gregory was telling me that all YOU were planning on doing was raking me over the coals and asking about my love life! Wassupwitdat? 

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Nidia: Rake you over the coals? I'd NEVER do that! I was just interested in taking a more personal angle with my interview 

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Hurricane (_eyeing her cut-off shorts and too-tight shirt_): Yes, you seem like one who WOULD get personal 

(_Nidia scowls and signals to Jamie_) 

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Jamie Noble: Are you insinuating something about my woman, boy? 

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Hurricane: Why? Is there something to insinuate? 

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Narrator: Hurricane suddenly freezes, his newly tweaked mask picking up a call for help some five blocks away. 

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Hurricane (_to Nidia_): You want a story, then head to the 'New Wave Salon' on 5th and Jane! 

(_Hurricane flys out an open window_) 

***

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NEW WAVE SALON 

(_Several young ladies are currently tied to barber chairs and are struggling to get free. Two platinum blond men in bright orange tights stand at the door, allowing no entry and no exit. They are Chuck and Billy_) 

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Rico _(ignoring the girls as he goes through the Salon's stylebook)_: I just cannot believe people pay MONEY for these styles! (_throws his hands in the air) _What am I going to do? How am I going to bring my own version of style to this poor pathetic world? 

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Narrator: We have come upon the evil fashion mastermind known as Rico the Stylist! His Evil vision is to turn the world into a beautiful place. Some might think it is a good vision, but these people do not quite understand Rico's interpretation of 'beautiful'. 

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Rico: Vidal Sassoon thinks he knows what style is, but we showed him, didn't we fellas? 

(_Chuck and Billy snicker in agreement_) 

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Chuck: You got that right, boss! 

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Billy: Damn straight! 

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Rico (_cringes_): Please... don't use the "S" word in front of me! 

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Billy: Sorry boss... 

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Rico: And as for that fool, Alberto... we'll, we won't be hearing too much from him either! Oooooh, Alberto---you're GONE! (_signals to Billy_). Bring the girl to me. 

(_Billy nods and heads into the back room of the salon. He pulls out a young beautiful French woman with incredibly shiny blonde hair_) 

(_Rico smiles coldly_) 

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Rico: Ah, Ms. L'Oréal. How are we today? 

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Ms. L'Oréal: What have you done to my girls? Release them, right now! 

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Rico: Ah ah... I can't do that. Not until I teach them the PROPER way to style! 

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Ms. L'Oréal: And how do you plan to teach them if they are tied up? 

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Rico: Boys, show her the MACHINE. (_Billy and Chuck unveil a large television set_). You see, I will bombard them with images from my own school of fashion, RICO STYLES, and burn it into their brains until they produce the way I want! (_Rico begins to laugh maniacally_). 

(_A sudden gust of wind fills the salon, causing Rico's hair to be wind-whipped_) 

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Rico (_desperately trying to tame his hair with his emergency can of spray_): Who did that? Who messed up my perfect hair? 

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Unseen voice: STAND BACK! There's a HURRICANE comin' through! 

(_The_ _Hurricane has arrived on the scene, followed by all the employees of The Daily Smackdown. He grabs Billy and Chuck around the neck, hurri-choking both men to the cement, where they remain unconscious. Ms. L'Oréal is free_) 

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Hurricane (_hands on hips_): Tell me, Citizen Rico, when was the last time you shaved your sideburns? Wassupwitdat? (_turns to Shannon_) Get Ms. L'Oréal to safety. 

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Shannon: Yessir! (_Shannon gladly leads Ms. L'Oréal outside_) 

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Rico: WAIT! She's my hostage! Bring her back! (_turns to Hurricane_) How DARE you show such disrespect towards a master of style like myself! (_he stands up and shows off his tiger print suit_). Do you think just ANYONE can look like this? 

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Hurricane: I don't think anyone wants to. Now how about you let the rest of these lovely ladies go and we can settle this like---uh---(_he pauses, seeing as how 'men' isn't quite the appropriate word to use here_)... like---hero and villain. 

(_Rico suddenly grabs Nidia, who is writing everything down furiously_) 

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Rico: If you want to save the female reporter, you will leave right now and allow me to continue my plans! (_Hurricane raises his eyebrows, then checks out his nails, not in any rush to jump into action_). Did you hear me? I will shave off all her hair if you do not comply! 

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Hurricane: And I'm supposed to care what you do to her? 

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Nidia (_insulted_): I thought you were a superhero! 

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Hurricane: As much as you're a super-_bitch_, yes. Free yourSELF. 

(_Rico seems confused_) 

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Rico: What kind of hero are you, keeping a maiden in distress? 

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Hurricane: YOU'D leave her in distress too if you knew her. 

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Nidia: You just wait, Hurricane! I will rip you apart in my next article! You will be considered public enemy number ONE! 

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Hurricane: Do as you will, Citizen Nidia. But there are several eyewitnesses here that will report your article was written on a personal bias. (_The Smackdown reporters nod in agreement_) 

(_Nidia fumes, angry that the Hurricane squashed her plans for slander_) 

****

Rico (_shoving Nidia away_): Well you're no use to me if the Hurri-hero won't even rescue you! (_He quickly grabs a barber's blade_) I won't go down without a fight! 

(_Rico flicks the blade towards Hurricane. Hurricane quickly wraps his cape around himself, deflecting the blade. The fight begins!_) 

****

Narrator (_in commentator form_):Rico with a dropkick to Hurricane! And The Hurricane jumps right back to his feet. Hurricane now retaliates with a flying headscissors on Rico the Evil Stylist. The Hurricane pins Rico... 1...2... almost got him. This is a slobber-knocker ladies and gentlemen! 

Now Rico is back to his feet. A neckbreaker on The Hurricane, and a pin! 1...2... and he's up again! You can't keep a good superhero down! Mah gawd, how much punishment can one man take? 

Hurricane attacks with a spinning heel kick, a clothesline and a Tornado DDT. Is this it? No... Rico kicks out of yet ANOTHER pin attempt! Damn him! Damn him! 

The Hurricane has had enough! What's this? Yes... it's the Hurri-choke! Rico the Evil Stylist is out cold, ladies and gentlemen! Rico is out cold! Mah gawd, the intestinal fortitude this young Hurricane must have had to finally defeat the enemy! 

Now the authorities have arrived on the scene... and Rico is being hauled to the New McMahonopolis maximum-security prison! Once again, our hero has saved the day! 

(_The Salon girls are freed, and thank Hurricane with tokens of affection... which he gladly accepts as Shannon snaps picture after picture. The Smackdown reporters write it all down for tomorrow's edition) _

(Nidia is screaming at her boyfriend, Jamie Noble, off to the side, blaming him for letting Rico even touch her. Jamie apologizes profusely. Nidia doesn't accept his apology.) 

(_Nidia turns her back on Jamie and heads towards Hurricane, who is busy hugging one of the Salon girls. Nidia grabs the Salon girl by the hair and flings her away from Hurricane, glaring up at him with murder in her eyes_) 

****

Nidia: You just wait, Hurricane! You haven't heard the last of me. I will RUIN you, you hear. RUIN YOU! One day, I'll find something that you don't want people to know, and I'll report it, and make sure the entire WORLD finds out! 

(_Nidia tries to slap Hurricane, who quickly grabs her wrist and shoves her away. Jamie runs up to Nidia and grabs her around the waist, pulling his girlfriend away from The Hurricane before she tries to attack him once again_). 

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Nidia: I HATE YOU, HURRICANE! YOU WILL PAY FOR NOT SAVING ME! YOU WILL PAY! 

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Hurricane (_watching Jamie pull Nidia out of the Salon_): Wassupwitdat? It's not like she was HURT! 

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Shannon (_coming up beside Hurricane_): I don't know, man... but that is ONE reporter you don't want on your bad side! (_He shakes Hurricane's hand_) It was great to meet you... and take it easy. My buddy Gregory will make sure Nidia doesn't spew too much crap about you. 

****

Hurricane: Thanks, Shannon (_Hurricane then turns to everyone in the Salon_). Now, Citizens, I must take my leave and return to my Hurri-fortress! But I shall be around should anyone need me! Remember, this -- through howling winds and pouring rain, all evil shall fear the Hurricane! 

(_Without another word, the Hurricane flys off, gaining an even larger fan base then when he first arrived_) 

****

Narrator: And so, a legend is born... and our hero vows to watch over New McMahonopolis -- his city -- until he is needed no longer. 

(_The scene closes on The Hurricane, his cape blowing in the wind as he sits atop Titan Towers and contemplates the long road that lay before him_) 

****

THE END


	2. Issue 2: Enter the Hunter

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THE ADVENTURES OF

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THE HURRICANE 

Issue #2 

E N T E R T H E H U N T E R 

By: **Elektra**

**__**

From the ashes of a small planet emerges a hero for the Cruiserweight Generation! He is THE HURRICANE! 

Narrator: In Greenwich, New McMahonopolis, there sits a large estate belonging to one of the richest and most respected men in the city. He is the owner of the infamous Fortune 500 corporation, Helmsley-Corp; and the estranged husband of New McMahonopolis's first daughter, Stephanie McMahon. 

(_Inside the Helmsley Estate, the scruffy-looking dark-haired servant **X-Pac** comes up to a well-groomed man sitting at the kitchen table. The seated man oozes money and power, his blonde hair tied back into a ponytail. This is the one and only, **Hunter Hearst Helmsley**_)

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X-Pac: Your Helmsley-Corp. papers, Triple H (_hands Hunter a booklet of papers_). These need your autograph ASAP if you want to put that new Employee contract into effect. 

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Hunter Hearst Helmsley: (_reading aloud_) Maximum push potential shall not exceed mid-card status, despite work ethic, or talent (_turns to X-Pac_) That's fair, no? It's not like these marks have anywhere ELSE to work. And if they don't like it, they can quit and go join an Indy fed somewhere! (_Hunter_ _signs the papers_) Now, did you take care of my OTHER piece of business?

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X-Pac: Other piece of business? OH YES! (_hands Hunter a large object. It is a sledgehammer_)

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Hunter: (_taking the sledgehammer and admiring it_)Did you sand the handle and buff the head like I asked?

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X-Pac: Yeah… yeah! So, when do I get to use it?

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Hunter: YOU? This is MY weapon. No one is to touch Sledgy but me! Is that understood?

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X-Pac: Sledgy? (_X-Pac snickers_)

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Hunter: You got a problem with the name, Pac?

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X-Pac (_sobbering up_): No man… no problem.

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Hunter: Good. I'm preparing sledgy for the soon-to-be-ex.

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X-Pac: You mean Stephanie?

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Hunter: Do I have any OTHER soon-to-be-exes?

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X-Pac (_confused_): What, you're gonna give her the sledgehammer?

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Hunter: (_dangerously_) Oh, she'll get it alright. 

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X-Pac: Ahhh… I see what you're driving at! I'll be right by your side when you attack, Trip!

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Hunter: (_feigning shock_) Attack? A man of my political standing would NEVER lower himself to that level, no matter how much hatred he had for the Estranged ball-and-chain. In fact, I don't plan on laying a hand on her. (A_ cold smile crosses his lips_). Get my phone book, X. I need to make a call.

***

**__**

THE DAILY SMACKDOWN - NEWSROOM 

Nidia: (_holding up a recent edition of "The Daily Smackdown" and reading the headline to Gregory Helms_) Beautiful Heiress visits New McMahonopolis. (_she frowns_) How did YOU get an interview with the Governor's daughter? 

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Gregory: I simply contacted her agent and asked. 

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Nidia: Oh come on… what did you promise in return?

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Gregory: Nothing. I offered her a fair interview, that's all. Stephanie McMahon had quite a story to tell. If you read that article, you'll see how her estranged husband used her emotions to manipulate her into giving him half her money and political power. 

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Nidia: What are you talking about? Helmsley is the richest man in New McMahonopolis! 

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Gregory: Helmsley's riches and success only came AFTER he married Stephanie. That poor woman was used and abused by him. 

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Nidia: Awww, look at little Gregory. Taking a personal interest in his interviewee. 

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Gregroy: You had to be there, Nidia. You should have seen the tears in her eyes. Heard the pain in her voice when she talked about her failed marriage. Now if you'll excuse me (_Gregory turns back to his computer_).

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Nidia: First you scoop Hurricane, now you scoop Stephanie McMahon. What's your secret?

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Gregory: (_he shrugs_) Maybe it's just my southern charm? 

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Nidia: Oh, you mean being a hick from Ass-crack Nowhere actually works?

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Gregory (_muttering under his breath_): Better then being a skank from Big Bertha's Trailer Park

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Nidia: (_leaning very close and showing off her cleavage_) What was that, Gregory? I didn't hear you. 

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Gregory (_clearing his throat_): Uh, nothing, Nidia. I didn't say anything (_he smiles innocently_). Um… I gotta finish this article for tomorrow, or Bishoff will have my head, so… if you don't mind? (_he nervously adjusts his glasses_)

****

Nidia: Oh, I mind alright. But don't worry, Greg. I have a little story of my own that I'm working on! And I'm not as soft-hearted -- or as soft-HEADED -- as YOU are. 

***

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GRENWICH, NEW McMAHONOPOLIS - THE HELMSLEY ESTATE

Nidia: (_holding pen to paper_) So, how many men do you allege Stephanie had on the side?

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Hunter: (_counting on his fingers_) There was an Olympic gold medalist, then some wannabe rock star, and I'm sure several of her current employees receive special overtime pay.

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Nidia (_crossing her legs and showing off as much as she can in her mini-skirt_): You poor, poor man, how awful to have such an unfaithful woman (_she smiles slyly_) If I came home to someone like you, I wouldn't NEED anyone else.

****

Hunter: Yes, well that's what I thought too. I am an overnight success. ANY woman would be happy to have me (_he leans forward in his chair_) Look around you. Do you think I gathered all these riches sitting on my ass all day? No. I EARNED it through hard work and perseverance! (_he stands up and goes to his display case_). You see these golden belts? Titles and trophies I've rightfully won. Stephanie never appreciated that though.

(_Nidia crosses the room, standing as close as possible to the muscular millionaire_)

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Nidia: (_seductively _as _she grasps his hand and_ _holds it to her chest, pretending to be sympathetic_) I know _I _would appreciate it …

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Hunter (_eyeing her with interest_): I'm sure you would. You appear to be a woman of taste, unlike my estranged wife.

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Nidia: Some women just can't see what's right in front of their faces

***

**__**

THE DAILY SMACKDOWN - NEWSROOM (the next day)

Eric Bishoff: Great interview with Helmsley, Nidia! 

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Nidia: Thank you, Mr. Bishoff. 

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Bishoff: You're very welcome! Keep it up, and I may just have to give you a raise. 

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Nidia (_giggling like a school girl_): Oh Mr. Bishoff (_runs a hand along her hip, making sure her curves are noticed_), you're such a tease! 

(_Gregory, who is witnessing this display, is forced to bite his tongue as Bishoff smiles and heads back into his office_)

(_Nidia slinks up to Gregory and dangles today's edition between two manicured fingernails as she bends over with purpose_) 

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Nidia: A raise, Greg. I bet YOU never got a raise!

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Gregory (_not amused_): I wouldn't get my hopes too high, Nidia. Besides, I'd rather be poor then write an interview full of lies. 

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Nidia: LIES? 

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Gregory: Yes, lies. I don't trust Helmsley's word on anything, especially his Estranged wife

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Nidia: You're just jealous because he's rich and handsome and you're… (_looks at him, disgusted_) well… you're NEITHER.

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Gregory: (_shrugs_) What can I say? I'm happy merely being a mild-mannered and HONEST reporter.

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Nidia (_rolling her eyes_): Whatever 

(_Gregory gets to his feet, gathering his notepad and jacket_) 

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Nidia: Where are you going?

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Gregory: You don't think Stephanie McMahon just came to town to see the Governor, do you? She's here to help him dedicate the new WWE City Hall. (_Nidia's mouth drops open_) Oh dear, you seemed to have missed the memo. (_sneaks a glance over his shoulder at Nidia's copy of the memo, which is crumpled in his wastebasket_) I'm so sorry, Nidia. I had no idea. I volunteered to cover the story already. I have to go (_he quickly heads off, leaving Nidia fuming_).

***

****

THE CITY SQUARE - NEW McMAHONOPOLIS (WWE City Hall dedication)

(_A young brunette stands at a podium beside the Governor of New McMahonopolis, **Mr. Vince McMahon**. She is in her mid-twenties. Rather pretty. She seems very happy to be there, a large smile on her face as she holds a pair of golden scissors. This is **Stephanie McMahon**_)

****

Stephanie: On behalf of my father and all the citizens of New McMahonopolis, I dedicate the WWE City Hall! (_she cuts the ribbon to much applause_)

(_We see a tall man sneaking through the crowd. This is assassin-for-hire, **Kevin Nash**, code named "Big Lazy" by authorities_)

****

Nash: How about I dedicate something? (_Nash jumps on the podium beside Stephanie and grabs the scissors. Stephanie screams_). How about I dedicate your throat to New McMahonopolis? (_He holds the scissors to her neck_).

(_Gregory is in attendance, stuck in a swarm of reporters all trying to get the same story. He realizes it is time to jump into action_)

****

Gregory: Um, excuse me… (_he tries to navigate through the crowd, politely apologizing for his rudeness_).

(_Nidia watches Gregory leave, and frantically grabs a pen and paper, writing everything down as it happens_)

****

Nidia: If HE doesn't want the story, I'LL take it!

****

Unseen voice: STAND BACK! There's a Hurricane coming through! 

(_Nidia groans_) 

(_Hurricane jumps on the podium, a few feet away from Nash and Stephanie_)

****

Hurricane: How about you put the scissors down and allow Citizen Stephanie to go free?

****

Nash: Yeah right! I'm getting paid to do a job, and I'll damn well do it!

(_Hurricane raises an eyebrow_)

****

Hurricane: A job, you say? Is this the first time you've ever jobbed for anyone, Nash? 

****

Narrator: Our hero seems familiar with this vile lowlife known as Kevin Nash. How, you ask? Could it be because one Gregory Helms has written several articles on this well known assassin-for-hire? Or possibly some other reason? (_Nash shoves Stephanie to the ground_)

****

Nash: Who the hell are you? Some little green man from another planet?

****

Hurricane: Well… Yes…

****

Nash: Why don't you make like a UFO and FLY then!

(_Nash grabs Hurricane and flings him into the crowd. Hurricane is unable to pick up the wind and ends up landing on something rather soft_)

****

Nidia: GET OFF ME!

****

Hurricane: Did I just land on the human mattress? 

(_Nidia tries to push Hurricane away_)

****

Nidia: Human mattress? (_fumes_) GET OFF! NOW!

(_Hurricane climbs to his feet, not bothering to help Nidia up. He then leaps towards the podium once again. The fight begins_)

****

Narrator: Nash power slams Hurricane and attempts the pin, but our hero kicks out at two. Hurricane retaliates with a clothesline, but Nash is back up now, going for the jackknife power-bomb. But what's this? Mah gawd -- Hurricane has maneuvered out of the power-bomb into a Hurricanrana! But Nash is not swayed! He's back up, attacking with a flurry of fists! Hurricane is rocked! Nash slams him to hell right through the wooden podium! 

As god is my witness, The Hurricane is broken in half! How much punishment can a body take? Is this our hero's last stand? Say it isn't so, Hurricane! Say it isn't so

(_Nidia watches the fight, licking her lips gleefully at Hurricane's pain_)

****

Nidia (_screeching_): KILL HIM, Nash! C'mon, KILL HIM!

****

Narrator: Hurricane is stumbling to his feet. The heart of this young kid is incredible, fans! But now Nash is going for the boot to the face but--what's this? Nash has collapsed! Nash is holding his knee, ladies and gentlemen! Yes, Big Lazy appears to be injured. Injured by his own move! In all my days, I have never seen anything like this! 

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Hurricane has saved the day again!

****

Nidia (_having a hissy fit_): Damnit! 

***

****

GRENWICH, NEW McMAHONOPOLIS (that night)

Hunter: (_watching the news with X-Pac_) It seems the assassination attempt on Stephanie failed. 

****

X-Pac: Yeah. Good thing, huh? Although if she died, all her remaining millions would have gone to YOU since the divorce isn't final yet. 

****

Hunter: (_glaring at X-Pac_) You think, Pac? (_smacks X-Pac upside the head_) Dumbass. (_He grows serious_) Of course, you know I had nothing to do with this attempt on Stephanie's life, right?

****

X-Pac (_furrowing his brow_): But I thought you WANTED her dead! (_A glare from Hunter shuts him up_). Uh, right. Right, you had nothing to do with it. Gotcha.

****

Hunter: Anyway, my thoughts on my estranged wife are unimportant right now. There's something else that interests me more (_turns to X-Pac_) I want you to find out all you can about this Hurricane character. He seems to enjoy getting involved in other people's business. 

(_Hunter glares at the TV, a freeze-frame of the Hurricane filling the screen. A look of recognition crosses his face, then a mask of anger_) 

****

Hunter: Superheroes who get involved in other people's business may find themselves regretting their actions in the near future.

****

THE END


End file.
